ObiWan Kenobie's Diary
by opheliapain19
Summary: Obi has a nasty habit of writing down his missions, read it all here! EXPOSE'!


bDay One -9 am/b br  
  
~ Okay I still don't understand why Qui Gon insisted on braiding the back of his hair together. It wasn't stylish at all. Oh well. Anyways, Anakin and I are going to babysit that bratty Naboo Senetor tonight. And as tired as it makes me, I read Anakins mind and I think he has a crush on her a tiny bit. He was going through a list in his head for what he wants to name their children. I could be wrong, and I certainly hope so, but Puke is number one for thier son. Pathetic. Well, we're here. Anakin is very sweaty and has some nasty B.O. problem going on. On no wait, Jar Jar is here. I must remember to say sorry to Anakin about that later, especially since I just announced it to everybody. Jar Jar is leaving, thank goodness. Did Qui Gon HAVE to save him? I mean, really. We sat down and I suggested a game of Monopoly before getting to business. That brat Senetor gave me a evil glare and made me do my job. Ah poo. But then Anakin had to get all preachy, saying something about finding the dude that was trying to kill her. This was news to me, that someone was trying to kill her, but I pretended like I knew it the entire time. Anyways, I had to reprimand him again, in front of his girlfriend too, so I doubt he'll do something like that again. Hahahaha. bDay One -9 pmbr  
  
~This night could NOT get any worse. First, that dude that tried to kill her showed up. Small fella with spikey hair and a round body. Alitte odd looking for a bounty hunter but Anakin got him pretty good. Well then for some reason I ended up hanging on a droid, dangling 20 some stories above the city but Anakin rescued me. I was mad at him the entire ride though cause he always gets to drive the cool cars while I'm stuck with my stupid Chevy Cruiser. Piece of crap! But it was cool cause I didn't even have to push him out of the car, he jumped right out! I slid over, slicked back my hair and revved the engine a few times. But he was still falling and since he saved me, I had an obligation to save him too. Poo. He wrestles some random speeder to the ground, forcing some chick out, and runs after her. I always thought I taught him better manners than that but I guess not. So besides getting to yell at him for losing his lightsaber I got to yell at him for attacking women too. Yipee! I go to the bar and realize my I.d. card is missing so I end up having to drink this awful Kool aid. YUCK! And doesn't it figure some lady tries to kill me while I'm drinking too! I swish around, making my own theme music, and slice her arm off. I wasn't actually trying to. I meant to just knock the gun from her hand but Anakin distracted me by yelling and pointing at her. Something about she was the one we were looking for. So I drag her out and Anakin starts to badger her about the bounty hunter. I try to interrupt by saying how moronic he was and that he killed the little buggers at Padmes house. He ignored me though, as usual. Well then somebody shoots a poisonous dart in her neck, she murmurs some offball movie line and shrivels up like a prune, which makes me remember how I promised to bake that special cake for Master Yoda. Anakin is discouraged and I have no idea why. All the bad people are dead, right? bDay Two -11 ambr  
  
~Okay, so according to Anakin I have a B.O. problem too. Whatever. Ah, and, apparently all the really bad people are still alive. So I can't go take that sabatical to Kiwi-a-gogo land now, which is a total bummer. At least I don't got to watch that brat Nabooian. Anakin does!!! Hahahaa! YES! I wished him a safe journey and went back to the council to beg Master Windu to let me borrow a really awesome space ship this time. And, SCORE! Life is soooo gooood. Earlier I found some info on this place I'm heading for. Kamino! Isn't that fun to say? Yoda got kind of ticked at me cause the entire time he was handing out the jobs, I was using the Force to subliminally scream it in his mind. I saw him wince a few times and finally he tossed his cane at me and stormed out of the room. Hahahaha. I love being Force sensitive!bDay Two -8 pmbr  
  
~These Kamioans are some kind of freaky, I'll tell you what. It took me tons of self control to not want to get in a whole line of them, knock one over, and watch em topple like Dominos. Heehee. But then I met this bounty hunter named Jango Fett. I think he's Australian but I'm not sure where or what that is exactly. His son is gonna grow up to be a good man, I can just tell. The Force told me or maybe its the bean dip I ate for lunch that R4 made for me. Mmm, BEEEEEAN DIP. Anyhow, he took offense to everything I said. It was really difficult trying to make friends with him. He has this wall persona thing going on but I have a good therapist that could help him with that. When I tried to give him the business card, he ate it. Whoa and I thought I had some gas problems. Taun We walked me out and she kept stepping on the back of my cloak, tripping me. And when I mentioned having surgery to shorten her legs, she started screaming. Even freakier than when that other dude showed me a bunch of Babies in a bottle. That Christina Aquilera song is still stuck in my head! Well time to tattle on em although it makes me sad. They're all really fun people, they even offered to have me for dinner. Did that info say they are carnivores or herbivores? Hmmmm.BDay Two -11 pmbr  
  
~Geez, everyone wants to get rid of me all of a sudden. That Australian wall guy Jango and his spiffy son Boba tried to kill me! I thought they were nice but now I know not to trust first impressions. Well, I dangled off a ledge for a bit but I did my super fast running thing Qui Gon and I used to get a whirl pool going in the swimming pool of the Academy and caught up with them. It was too late though and I was really ticked they didn't say goodbye. Somehow I get the feeling though that isn't the last of them I will see. So I get in the BMW ship Windu stole for me and took after them. Good thing I planted that tracking device before they left. I'm like Urkel. You'll never get rid of me. Hee heee heeeee. One super cool chase and explosion later I was back on my feet on this nifty little planet called Geonosia. It looked alot like Tatooine though. Wierd. Well, now I suppose I should try and figure out why theres so many ships out front. Hope they don't mind me crashing the party.bDay Three -10 ambr  
  
~OK! Ok, they mind ALOT! I am five minutes away from being either eaten or smashed to smithereens. Anakin and Padme are next to my pole, well, not the whiny Senetor cause she is saving herself and not us, and three creepy looking creatures are creeping towards us. Anakin is sweating again and I know that it is definatly him this time that stinks. I go to tell him but this green praying mantis thing is darting its feet at me. No, wait, its the mantis that smells. Not Anakin. I'll have to say sorry for that one too sometime. Padme gets the cute cat and Anakin gets the totally easy bull. But what do I get? Qui Gons old lady. I mean seriously. His mom was freaky looking, maybe worse than this thing. It tries to kill me but I am too fast for it. Hahaha. Oops. Almost got me but I suceed in running away in sheer terror. Who could ever do that better than me? NO BODY! bDay Three -3 pmbr  
  
~Yoda is soooo cool! The entire arena started swarming with Jedi and then they brought out droids for us to play with. I didn't like them that much though cause they don't know how to play nice. I tried to be friends with them too, since thats what I was taught by my Mommy, but Anakin was all gung ho about tearing them limb from limb. He's a bad influence for me sometimes. I started slicing em apart and sendin back they're gun shots. There was richochet everywhere. Good fun! Yoda came in a ship though to save us. And, YES! Padme, the bratty Naboo chick, falls out of the transport! Anakin gets all teary eyed and hostile at me but I yell at him really loudly, which appears to do the trick. We rush in the hanger, lightsabers all aglow and see this really friendly looking old geezer. I smile but he turns to me and lifts up his lightsaber, saying that if we do not side with Sauron we have chosen death. I tell him that I have no idea what he's talking about but if he'd like we can discuss it over some coffee. Anakin attacks the poor old man and he is forced to release his Fogey power on him in the form of what appears to be the evil Force blue lightening. I circle him, angrilly. He is a bad guy. He calls himself Dooku. Poo-poo? I ask him. No, he corrects me, Dooku. This goes back and forth a few minutes before we duel. Anakin recovers just in time to fight him after I get wounded by some 200 yr old dinosaur. I couldn't believe it. I was so humiliated I tossed my lightsaber at Anakin and forfiet fighting the rest of the day. Anakin was kicking butt though. I admired his skills with the saber. Well, until the Fogey cut his arm off and got away. And I swear, that when he slid next to me, I smelled something really nasty. He DOES have B.O.! I told him that but all he did was flail. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..........  
  
bDay Four -11 ambr  
  
~Padme survived the fall and now Anakin is off in Naboo with her wearing his spiffy new arm. I am soo jealous. How come 200 yr old guys don't ever slive my arms off? He gets all the fun. Well now I know for sure he has B.O. and not me. Windu and Yoda took me to see the new army and I could swear that Yoda had this really nasty fungus growing inside his ear. I told Jimmy but he ignored me. Those Englishmen. Good thing I'm Irish. Er, I just wish I knew how I know so many different cultures when they don't exist and why there is a fat man wearing flannel yelling at me to look really serious at a blue screen and to love the camera. Oh well. Til the threquel, peace out!hr  
  
Well, I am thinking about writing diaries for the other characters. Until then, thank you for reading Obi Wans diary and have a nice day!BR~Heather 


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